What you can do

What is Social Anxiety?

Social Anxiety is the phrase used to describe the overwhelming fear of being judged or embarrassed in public. This fear isn’t just tied to the fear of speaking in front of a large class or going to a big birthday party where you only know one other person; you can have Social Anxiety in very small groups, or just one-on-one with someone you’re unfamiliar with.

When you have Social Anxiety, some places or situations may be so scary to you that you get upset just thinking about them. You may find yourself going out of your way to avoid these situations all together, which ends up isolating you from others and making your life lonely and scary.

Signs and symptoms of Social Anxiety

Just because you sometimes get nervous at a party or in a crowded theater, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have Social Anxiety. Many kids feel shy or self-conscious at times, yet it doesn’t get in the way of their lives and their everyday routines. Social Anxiety, on the other hand, does interfere with your normal routines and can disrupt things and activities that make you happy.

How do you know if you have Social Anxiety? There are many different symptoms to help you figure it out.

Common Social Anxiety triggers

Most kids experience some type of anxiety in social and performance situations, but for others, anxiety is connected with specific situations that trigger Social Anxiety, such as speaking to strangers or performing in front of an audience.

Social anxiety triggers

At school: Being called on in class, taking a test, being bullied or made fun of

In public: Using public bathrooms, eating or drinking in a restaurant, going to parties or other events, meeting new kids, performing on stage

In other situations: Making phone calls, being watched while doing something, being the center of attention, going on a date

Dealing with the feelings triggered by Social Anxiety

Feeling helpless in certain situations has always been part of life. Over time, our bodies have evolved to give us ways to quickly relieve the stress and anxiety generated by this feeling of helplessness.

Challenge negative thoughts

Negative thoughts about yourself are a main source of your Social Anxiety. These can include thoughts such as:

Challenging these negative thoughts is a great way to reduce your anxiety.

How to challenge negative thoughts

First, you need to identify the main and underlying negative thoughts you have about yourself that make you so afraid of being in a social situation. Are you always worried about looking stupid in front of other people? For example, if there is a speech coming up that you have to give at school, your underlying negative thought might be: “I’m going to forget what I’m supposed to say and everyone is going to think I’m so stupid.”

The next step is to think hard about these main, underlying negative thoughts, and then challenge them head on! Here’s a tip: Ask yourself questions about the negative thoughts: “Do I know for sure that I’m going to forget what I’m supposed to say?” or “Even if I need to look at my notes or if I skip around a bit, will everyone really think that I’m stupid?” By thinking hard about these negative thoughts, you can gradually replace them with better ways of looking at this situation—and other social situations—that trigger your anxiety.

Unhelpful thinking styles

Ask yourself if you’re participating in any of the following unhelpful thinking styles:

Mind reading – Assuming you know what other people are thinking, and that they see you in the same negative way that you see yourself.

Fortune telling – Predicting the future, usually while assuming the worst will happen. You just "know" that things will go horribly, so you're already anxious before you're even in the situation.

Catastrophizing – Blowing things out of proportion. For example, if people notice that you’re nervous, it will be "awful," "terrible," or "the worst thing ever."

Personalizing – Assuming that people are focusing on you in a negative way or what’s going on with other people actually has to do with you.

Things you can do to help you feel more confident

The mind and the body are naturally linked, so if you treat your body well, then your ability to treat your anxiety in a positive way goes up, too, along with your self-confidence.

Put fears in the background by focusing on others

While you’re doing your best to ward off bad feelings in a social situation, it’s hard not to feel uncomfortable if you think that the people around you see your upset and judge it.

How can I stop thinking that everyone is looking at me?

Face your fears

While avoiding nerve-wracking situations may help you feel better in the short term, it prevents you from becoming more comfortable in social situations and learning how to deal with them in the long term. In fact, the more you avoid a feared social situation, the more frightening it becomes.

Avoiding fears may also prevent you from doing things you’d like to do, or keep you from reaching certain goals. For example, a fear of speaking up may prevent you from sharing your perfectly drawn-up play that helps you win the basketball game.

Challenging Social Anxiety one step at a time

The key is to start with a situation that you think you can handle and gradually work your way up to more challenging situations. If socializing in the hallway in between classes makes you anxious, you might start by asking the kid who has a locker next to yours about homework, or by starting a conversation with someone in the classroom that can spill out into the hallway. Once you’re comfortable with that step, you might try approaching a group of kids nearby talking about something that excites you.

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